How To Leave A Cult

Art by The BGB, use by permission.

Art by The BGB, use by permission.

During the grade of my research, I've run into several books about leaving detail religious groups, nosotros aren't sure there's a go-to, accessible handbook for how to leave a cult (and past this term I as well refer to whatsoever authoritarian, controlling grouping or something like even a multilevel marketing scheme). I'm sure if I dig deeper I'll find something out in that location; nevertheless, given new technologies and new sociological research to be gleaned, it may be time to become to piece of work on a fiddling booklet that 1 might use and discretely requite to folks in tricky situations. If I were to piece of work on this, these would be the chief beats (which could become brusque chapters). Allow me know if you think something should be changed, added, or deleted.

STEPS TOWARD OUTFOXING A CULT*

  1. If you recall you might exist in a cult, yous probably are. Even if it isn't a full fledged mind control functioning with a Jim Jones type stench to information technology, if y'all experience creeped out, incredulous about the groups weird claims, or more often than not unhappy about your experience and daily sense of wellbeing, y'all probably should trust your perceptions. It is probable that the group has repeatedly taught you to distrust yourself. At least for the time being, outset taking your own intuitions and critical thoughts seriously.

  2. Don't tell the cult you lot are thinking about bailing. They are primed for the signs of "apostasy" and volition try to cutting yous off at the pass. Of class, if they don't try to stop you, they might not actually be a cult. Just you lot tin figure that out once you've got some good distance.

  3. Develop a discrete network of outside allies. Oft the worst cults insulate members from real, candid contact with outsiders. Just to the extent that you are able to interact with folks (say, at a coffee store) and institute friendships, get-go to collect a few helpful names and numbers for future use. It volition be about impossible to get yourself on your own footing without a little help from decent people. If you lot have family unit members who are non group members, they are likely to exist your best and almost true-blue allies. Do be sure, still, that they aren't tied to the religious community in whatsoever way. Preferably, they are the family members you've been told to despise for being wayward apostates.

  4. Get a VPN if you lot are using your phone or computer to research your group and be equally conscientious as possible with electronic communications. Some groups go to the extreme of blocking access on computers to hostile websites and resources. Worse, some effort and email spider web usage.

  5. Go a burner phone. This might just be necessary with the more than pernicious groups, only if you lot think the cult is going to harass you after you exit, don't let anyone have a chance to track your GPS location or know your calling patterns. These phones will exist a ruddy flag to the cult, just if you can go along one handy leading up to the moment you go out the grouping, it will help avoid whatsoever badly timed texts from allies on the exterior. It will exist a skillful medium for communication as you start your new life.

  6. Remain wary simply non fearful. Toxic groups can indeed be deadly. But virtually ofttimes, they just go on y'all compliant through mental manipulation. Ane of the easiest ways to keep people in the fold is to create a sense of fright of the outside and fear of the regime inside. Don't permit them have that inner part of y'all, even when yous are rightly cautious. But like running from a predator can cause them to hunt, showing weakness or acting like a victim tin encourage bad groups to be specially hard to shake. Being resolute can sometimes go on them at bay.

  7. If at all possible, establish basic financial freedom. This could be as much as a stash of greenbacks to use for bus fare. It is especially helpful if you can make sure you have your own bank account. Often, authoritarian groups will make certain you aren't in control of your ain finances. It might even be a spouse that oversees that. Only if you are an developed with ID, yous tin go into a depository financial institution and beginning an account.

  8. Secure a place to get when you are ready to make your move. Either accept a guaranteed safe place to stay for a while once you lot exit (if y'all are living with cult members or in a community, or even if you alive where everyone knows how to discover and harass you). A studio apartment is a cracking idea if y'all don't know anyone you can trust on the outside. Or even get reservations for a couple weeks at a hotel.

  9. You might need to leave family behind for the fourth dimension being. 1 of the near constructive means of keeping folks in a cult is to hold family hostage. But, as they say on the airlines, yous need to put your mask on outset before assisting others. This volition exist hard. If you lot can take minor children, of course you should exercise that. Only fifty-fifty there, it might be near strategic to get some breathing room and and so return with meliorate resources to become your loved ones out.

  10. Avoid getting into any new group too quickly. Keep in mind that there are a lot of whacky groups out there who dear to do counter-cult piece of work. Heck, don't fifty-fifty trust folks similar me who claim to exist on your side. I believe I am on your side, only if you got yourself into a cult already, you aren't yet in a position to know for sure to take me at my word. What this means is that you can accept some of the communication hither, or wherever good advice tin can be plant, merely focus first and foremost on establishing your own confidence and critical thinking. At that place may indeed come a time when y'all find yourself getting involved in a new customs that is salubrious for you and promotes only good things. But again, how would you know that you found it yet? Give yourself aplenty fourth dimension (I'd say a twelvemonth at minimum) before getting besides involved in anything new.

  11. First some grade of cocky-intendance routine. Do, do daily nature walks, or have up bird watching. Maybe go to community events that have positive furnishings on the neighborhood that aren't run by religious groups (at to the lowest degree for at present). Find decent non-sectarian reading material to continue yourself centered. Continue your critical thinking skills active at all times. In other words, cultivate mental, social and emotional growth every bit you disconnect from what had previously done this for you. Heck, even some daily readings from a pop-self-help volume might be useful hither. It is likely that you've come up to depend on something like this in your religious community. Shutting off all contemplation and connection tin can create a vacuum. This is the trickiest role of the process, so exist cautious. But don't starve the spiritual and emotional part of yourself.

  12. Go a decent therapist once you are out. They will help you lot rather speedily showtime to effigy out how you got into your mess in the first identify. Endeavour and find a secular counselor, though i who is respectful of the importance of spiritual questions. If y'all have been subtly programmed past the cult, you'll need a mental health professional to help you learn the tools to take dorsum buying of your life. Note: if your religious community is hostile to mental health professionals, that is confirmation that they don't want you mentally free.

We wish yous the best in reclaiming your ain spiritual, material, and mental life. This isn't selfish, since a salubrious you lot is especially valuable to others around yous who might be in need. Mayhap let u.s.a. know how things worked out at taosurfers@gmail.com. Don't fret, there is low-cal and peace on the other side. It isn't equally scary every bit it might seem correct now, but the stakes are existent, so press on with decision.

—Jeff Mallinson

*I'm using the term "cult" broadly hither. I know that in the field of religious studies this is a problematic, pejorative term. I am aware that it is sometimes used to exclude groups who autumn out of line with larger religious entities. And nosotros know that large religious groupings can exist but every bit problematic as little ones. New sects are not necessarily more dangerous than old toxic ideas. Withal, I think it might be time to repossess the pejorative utilize of "cult." Moreover, it is possible for a group to take a more often than not sane ideology or religious position and yet sociologically be abusive and authoritarianism. In this context, then, cults are synonymous with toxic forms of religion or social command.